This and That

A couple of random thoughts that have been running through my mind lately.

The word "never". By definition it means: not ever, at no time, not at all, absolutely not, to no extent or degree. I've noticed several authors using never to mean "did not." It's a common way of speaking in some parts of the country, but it isn't always proper English.

Consider the sentence: "He never saw his assailant." That statement is only true if he has never seen the assailant in the past and won't see him in the future. It's a hit and run or the character dies from the blow from the assailant.

But, I've seen that sentence in this situation. "He never saw his assailant. The blow to the head knocked Sam unconscious. When he woke up, his hands were tied and he saw the assailant watching him through hooded eyes." ...ummm wait a minute. I thought Sam never saw the assailant? It should read "He didn't see his assailant" for the paragraph to make sense.

That's nitpicky, but the word never is one of those words that writers tend to latch on and overuse.

I think the reason that I notice this is because I've spent the past year editing Mette's Annals of Hypnosia. She's Finnish and very fluent in English, but occassionally she writes a phrase that is a bit off. It's my job to catch those things. Usually it is a preposition that is the culprit. Technically, one could say the phrase the way she wrote it, but a different preposition would be used by a native speaker of English. Which led me to the thought that an easy way to convey that English isn't the character's first language is to misuse prepositions in their speech.

I have to say that I am in awe of anyone who can write in a second or third language and have it not be that noticeable to a native unless they are looking for it.

Adjectives

Yes, you can have too many adjectives in a sentence. Normally, writers are cautioned about using too many adverbs, but the other day I read a submission which had too many adjectives. Almost every noun in the story had an adjective. On the one hand, adjectives are good. They can help give the reader the feel and tone of a person, place, or thing. But, if the reader notices that there are adjectives attached to every noun, then you have way too many.

Consider the following sentence (I'm making this up. It isn't from a submission.): The flame-haired wench strolled into the smoky tavern and sat down on a rickety chair at a grimy table next to a dirty, grease-smeared window overlooking the dusty, paved street winding through the tiny town by the rocky coast. Now imagine that every sentence in a story is like that. How long would it take before you noticed that every noun had an adjective?

That sentence points out another potential problem: too many prepositional phrases. Here's an example of too many prepositional phrases: He walked across the stone floor of the room in the castle on the hill over the river behind the woods along the coast. Those last four prepositional phrases definitely do not need to be there and slow things down. The other two may not need to be there, if you've already established that he is in a castle.

The use of adjectives and prepositional phrases is a matter of personal taste, but if one of your beta readers notices them, then you probably have too many.